Many of us have goals and dreams that we are striving towards, and many students at some point in their studies may find themselves either hitting a ‘plateau’ or sabotage their efforts, despite some initial success. We often feel most motivated at the initial stage of goal setting, but after a while, momentum can sometimes deteriorate. Why is this so?
After a few days of being on track and making exceptional progress in your studies, you may begin to ‘hit a glass ceiling’ and eliminate all the hard work you put in initially.
After feeling really motivated in your studies, you may feel defeated after a while and begin to put in less effort after facing some challenges.
What exactly is it that causes us to maintain consistency and motivation throughout? Why is it that after success at the beginning, over time, we self-sabotage?
This is very common in our society today. Examples of this include binge eating, inability to stop smoking, yo-yo dieting, staying in disempowering relationships and the inability to quit other bad habits.
These are huge problems a lot of us face and really struggle to get out of. It’s a vicious cycle and can be very debilitating because the cause of the struggle is actually within ourselves and when we feel we have no control of something we should have control over, we seriously doubt ourselves which creates even more doubt and self-limiting beliefs the longer this cycle is prolonged. If our sabotage was caused by something from the external world, we would most likely be more satisfied, knowing that it is something that is outside of ourselves.
As humans, we all have a sense of identity that we impose on ourselves. Our self-image determines how we show up in the world and this affects every aspect of our lives, from the type of school we will accept our child to study at, to the career we choose.
For example, if you see yourself as someone who is a leader; someone who does not like to be micromanaged; an entrepreneur, will you be likely to work in a job for someone else?
If your self-image is of someone who is undeserving, inferior and lacking in confidence, will you be able to believe that you will be able to maintain the running of a business, despite having all the tools and knowledge to do so?
The truth is, having the tools and knowledge isn’t necessarily enough to maintain or even achieve success. The mindset, psychology is truly the foundation to all successful people.
Information is so accessible and many of us already have the knowledge on the ‘how to’. the “mechanics” is said to be only around 20% of achieving results, whilst around 80% is the psychology, the mindset. Even when we achieve success as a result of following the “how to”, without conditioning a strong mindset, any results will most often be temporary and short-term.
Self-sabotage comes from when we feel we are undeserving, lacking and inadequate in some way. We feel we are not entitled to something so when it is given to us or if we achieve even a little bit of success, we automatically revert to our old habits because we are conditioned to believing that this is how we are. Naturally, our minds feel uncomfortable and we will automatically want to revert back to our “comfort zone” and be back in a place where we feel “normal”.
As humans, we often adhere to the law of familiarity. We feel safe, comfortable and like consistency. It’s what we’re familiar with, and often resist venturing out to the unknown because an inner conflict appears. We naturally tend to want to remain consistent with who we are, our values and ultimately our perception of ourselves.
This is why certain types of people repeatedly seem to do exceptionally well in many things because they have a strong self-image of themselves and will not settle for less than what they feel is align with who they are. Similarly, there are also certain types of people who seem to have a tendency to come up short, fail and eventually self-sabotage even if they experience some success.
The good news is self-sabotage is something that can be destroyed for good. You have simply come to tell yourself a story that’s based on a set of limiting beliefs, most likely with references to support them.
People like to stay consistent and true to themselves for the most part, and so anything that isn’t aligned with this consistency will create a conflict. This is why motivation doesn’t last because it’s a source that we are constantly seeking from the external world. It gives us a temporary boost but it is not something that remains with us unless we intrinsically have an unshakeable belief within ourselves that we deserve to achieve certain results.
Smokers find it very difficult to quit smoking not necessarily because of the physical addiction they may experience, but because they believe that is part of their identity, that’s what they are used to. Similarly, people that have an addiction to binge eating, for example, may have a firm belief that they are and will always be overweight, and so that any weight loss they may have is not something they feel they deserve.
How does this relate to a child in their development and education? A child who has disempowering self-limiting beliefs about themselves, who may believe they are inferior, due to poor performances in school and lack of encouragement from teachers can be detrimental to their sense of self-identity. This is why it is crucial that educators edify their students, inspire them, help them shift their internal negative belief into a place of growth and abundance.
Is your child self-sabotaging in their studies, lacking in self-belief and action-taking? Working with a private tutor can help keep you accountable and avoid self-sabotaging. Contact Us today to discuss how we can help them recreate a strong sense of self-identity and help them sustain their progress in education.