Being Chinese, and working with many Chinese families over the years, I am going to be audacious and step into the realm of taboo and share my thoughts on ‘tiger parenting’, a term coined by Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

This term refers to mothers who put their child or children under rigorous academic schedules in hope to attain high levels of scholastic achievement. The language of tiger parenting stretches beyond city or ethnicity, but it is largely associated with Chinese mothers.

What is a ‘tiger mum?’

The term ‘tiger’ is as the word suggests; fierce, uncompromising and dangerous if left untamed(!). ‘Tiger mums’ are stereotypically strict, uncompromising and put their children under very rigid working conditions that could mean intensive private tutoring and little to no play time. Tiger mums’ have unshakeable belief that that ‘tough love’ is what their children need to learn in order to survive in society, and that ultimately, their child’s education and results is far superior in terms of importance to anything else.

Laid-back Mums

Interestingly, contrasting this with the other kind of attitude towards parenting are those whose highest values are for their child to simply ‘be happy’. If their education compromises with this, they have no hesitation in taking long breaks. Often their approach is that, if their child is put under pressure, they may ‘flip out’. Feelings of guilt and the pain of their child potentially developing a mental disorder are very common amongst parents who have more of a laid-back approach.

So which approach is best? It all comes down to your core values, beliefs and experiences. For the child who is struggling socially at school, it may not be most desirable to put a serious strain on your child’s education. Often times tiger parents may overlook the importance of addressing this issue, but if left untreated, it becomes almost inevitable that there will come a day where this will show up in their lives in the future.

Life Skills

I personally oversee hundreds of new applications on a regular basis from young people that are looking for work. Whilst many CVs demonstrate excellence in academia, these candidates may not necessarily be most successful in their career search. What employers are looking for is ‘people’s skills’ in combination with exceptional academic credentials.

There is great importance in having a high ‘EQ’ (emotional intelligence) as well as a high IQ. Skills can often be developed, but it is very challenging to develop someone’s social skills once they are deeply ingrained. Someone who struggles with social inadequacy or an adult that has been a victim of bullying will undoubtedly find it very difficult to shake off their low self-image. As humans, we attract and tolerate what we believe we are worth, and years of being degraded can really put a huge toll on their self-esteem.

How We Help our Students

That being said, there is hope for children that are, and have been brought up in this kind of environment. It’s important that the children of tomorrow have strong, positive role models.

Our tutors at Telios Tutors hope to be just that. We are a team of educators that are much more than just academic teachers. Our mission runs far deeper than just getting excellent academic scores in examinations. We love to create real-life differences our students’ characters, learning experiences and create a genuine love for personal development.

Start with the End in Mind

Our vision is to give every child the opportunity and right to be able to tap into their true potential whilst falling in love with the process. What we have found, is that the achievement of sustainable results is through building everything from the ground up; a solid foundation. To parents who have a ‘tiger mum’ mentality, I invite you to ponder over your children’s emotional welfare in conjunction to this.

Personally, I value the concept of self-discipline very highly, and admittedly, I am more skewed towards the idea of tiger parenting. However, not to the detriment of one’s mental well-being. I believe as a society, generally speaking, we are lacking in being able to withstand emotional pressures, and often times we look for ‘comfort’. However, growth often takes shape during times of hardship, pain and pressure. It certainly gives us good preparation for times in our lives where we are called to become ‘more’.

By Lisa Sabra, Director

Which parenting approach resonates with you most? Let us know what you think!

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